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| Greetings.
How is everyone?
Not to many on here anymore, myself included.
For those of you who are still around, about 2 posts back I mentioned I had a dream and gave mostly full detail on it and what I thought it meant cause at the time I was battling some serious depression. I left out two (what I thought to be minor) details and had some question about why everything ended up into my left hand. The first minor detail was that the other people in this particular dream were co-workers, and with the current financial situation on the horizon here in the country, we could all soon be dutifully unemployed. In my particular job, when people stop buying things, they stop shipping them as well, and I drive a truck for a living. If the economy tanks, so will my job. One of our competitors bit it a couple of months ago and it was getting to the point of them or us. They sank and we stayed afloat (for now). And the other minor detail is that the storms came from and east/northeasterly direction, not from the usual westerly direction that is the normal pattern around here in the midwest.
The thing about my left hand had me confused, I'm not left handed. But with the election results behind us, I can clearly now see what and why the left hand. Our country is leaning severely to the left with the election of B.O. and I can sense a very heavy hand toward those of us who do not subscribe to socialism or marxism or the possible threat of fascism rearing it's ugly head here on our shores.
With that said, I was given another dream this sunday into monday morning. It was much shorter, and I have some indication as to what it may mean. Either way, I knew when I woke up from it that monday morning what the election results were going to be tuesday, I still did my voting duty like a good citizen. The dream didn't necessarily tell me what the results were going to be, but from what I gathered from within the dream, and when I woke, I was immediately taken back to my first dream.
Here is the dream...
Once again, as in the previous dream, I was standing in my Grandma's drive way facing the east/northeasterly direction. My family was with me, wife and kids. There was some tree's missing that were there in the previous dream so that I could clearly see the horizon from that E/NE direction. The wind was blowing and the sky was clear and all at once in the sky appeared a gigantic and awesomely brilliant rainbow that engulfed a greater part of the sky above us. And I felt peace. I knew what that meant. My wife asked me to take some pictures of it and when I got the camera, the rainbow went away. And immediately from the E/NE direction came three black tornadoes tearing across the countryside straight towards us. My wife and kids were terrified and ran for safety (much like I had done in the first dream). I yelled for them to stop and watch with me. As the tornadoes grew closer and closer, they began to dissipate until there was one left and it diminished into a dust devil sort of swirling eddie and it to disappeared right in front of me before my very eyes. And when it disappeared, a single black feather was left floating in the air in front of me and it too (as the eyes in the previous dream) deposited it's self into my left hand. This is when I awoke.
It could perhaps just be a dream and not mean a thing. But it was so similar to my first dream as in location and all the smaller details. I woke with the sense that it meant something. I'm just not sure what. The rainbow part is crystal clear to me. I felt the same peace as I did when I opened my hand in the first dream and found the googley eyes that follow where ever you go.
Anyone with any thoughts on this is welcome to leave a comment. For the record, these are not my first dreams that I thought have come directly from God. I have had them on and off all my life, about 4 or 5 total to be exact.
On a much lesser secondary note, the track playing was created by me under the name of Siltwater. The track is soon to be released to the public, but as of now is still not available, so anyone stopping by has the privilege of hearing this before everyone that normally would get to hear it. If you like these kinds of sounds or experimental sounds of all kinds of variety, all my material is free for download @
http://www.archive.org/search.php?query=creator:%22Siltwater%22
Thanks.
~ eric
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| Here is the great truth that, only when we see things in the light of God, do we see things as they are. It is only when we see things in the light of God that we see what things are really important, and what things are not. Things which seem vastly important, things like ambition, and prestige, and money and gain, lose all their value and importance when they are seen in the light of God. Pleasures and habits and social customs which seem permissible enough, are seen for the dangerous things they are when they are seen in the light of God. Things which seem evils, hardship, toil, discipline, unpopularity, even persecution, are seen in their glory when they are seen in the light of God. ~ William Barclay (1907-1978)
The devil never tempts us with more success than when he tempts us with a sight of our own good actions. ~ Bp. Thomas Wilson (1698-1755)
Teach me. O God, to use all the circumstances of my life
today that they may bring forth in me the fruits of holiness
rather than the fruits of sin.
Let me use disappointment as material for patience:
Let me use success as material for thankfulness:
Let me use suspense as material for perseverance:
Let me use danger as material for courage:
Let me use reproach as material for longsuffering:
Let me use praise as material for humility:
Let me use pleasures as material for temperance:
Let me use pains as material for endurance.
~ John Baillie (1886-1960)
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Greetings.
Grace to you and peace from God the Father and our Lord Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for our sins, that He might deliver us from this present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen.
It has been a long while since I have written substantially on really anything of worth on here. Most of you are gone now, except the occasional post here and there. Nonetheless, I felt the urgent need to write.
I've had a lot to deal with myself as of late, my eyes which should be on my Lord have to often been turned to me.
I (figuratively) built all these cardboard idols (that looked just like me) and spray painted them with gold spray paint and dedicated them all to myself so that others, along with myself, would be impressed. Alas, I found that I had imprisoned myself with them.
See, I've touched on this before, waaaaayyy back when I used to write everyday, I'm a complainer at heart. I can complain about just about any circumstance I find myself in, be it good or bad or whatever the situation might be. Instead of trusting in God, who is ALL sufficient and ALL knowing and ALL sovereign in ALL things, or to sum it up, omniscient, I trusted in my own failed and fallen hands. And with these faltering hands and my complaining heart, I have driven joy and peace and everything I know to be true and righteous right out of my life. I have failed to trust Him in all things...
2 Samuel 22:31
"As for God, His way is perfect;
The word of the LORD is proven;
He is a shield to all who trust in Him."
Psalm 9:10
"And those who know Your name will put their trust in You;
For You, LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You."
It's an ongoing struggle with me, it's always tooth and nail on this subject. And I have far to often let the enemy get the upper hand. When trials, great or small, come into my life, I let them run me down and I suffer the loss every time. And you look through the scriptures at the prophets of the old testament and the apostles of the new and you see them over and over going through struggle, strife and flat out persecution and these men were the chosen of God!
Acts 9:10-15
"Now there was a certain disciple at Damascus named Ananias; and to him the Lord said in a vision, "Ananias."
And he said, "Here I am, Lord." So the Lord said to him, "Arise and go to the street called Straight, and inquire at the house of Judas for one called Saul of Tarsus, for behold, he is praying. And in a vision he has seen a man named Ananias coming in and putting his hand on him, so that he might receive his sight." Then Ananias answered, "Lord, I have heard from many about this man, how much harm he has done to Your saints in Jerusalem. And here he has authority from the chief priests to bind all who call on Your name." But the Lord said to him, "Go, for he is a chosen vessel of Mine to bear My name before Gentiles, kings, and the children of Israel. For I will show him how many things he must suffer for My name’s sake.""
I seemed to have missed it! I'm not being persecuted for my faith or suffering for the name of God! I am complaining over life's trivial non-point issues like sitting in traffic, being overworked, having to stand to long in a line at a fast food restaurant for more than a couple of minutes! And it's very much to my shame! What will happen when real persecutions come to me? Will I be cowardly or will I stand strong in Jesus who is "a shield for me, my glory and the One who lifts up my head"? I know what is right and good! I know it and have not obeyed!
2 Corinthians 4:7-10
"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed—always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body."
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal."
So here it is, my confession. With these words and upon His word I will stand or continue to fall. I've already fallen into the cesspool, now I just need some help out. And I realize that I need to get back to the basics, the first works of that which I have forgotten. Thank you for your time and patience with me.
Dearest Brothers and Sisters, the Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace. And now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to present you faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy, to God our Savior, who alone is wise, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and forever. Amen.
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Cesspool ~ Blenderhead
I wake to greet the new day,
reminded of all the mistakes I've made,
but it just doesn't matter anymore.
I'm not alone, I'm safe at home.
I don't need your sympathy.
I can remember a time when you were close.
When you talked to me like I was somebody that mattered.
When you talked to me at all.
Am I just walking dead?
I suffer in a cesspool of my miserable existence.
Am I just walking dead?
I suffer in a cesspool of my miserable existence.
It's taking time again.
This bitter pill slowly chokes me to death.
It's waking time again.
I sit beneath this stream of angry words flowing from my breath.
It's hanging time again.
This rope is too long for the task at hand, I wish I had a friend.
Someone who understands this state I'm in.
Am I just walking dead?
I suffer in a cesspool of my miserable existence.
Am I just walking dead?
I suffer in a cesspool of my miserable existence.
I can't just turn away from things I face each day.
The pain it drags me down. I try to smile, but I just frown.
Am I just walking dead?
I suffer in a cesspool of my miserable existence.
Am I just walking dead?
I suffer in a cesspool of my miserable existence.
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| I just noticed that my last 3 posts over the few months have started with "Well now".
Shows how much attention I have been payin. Duuhhh.
So how are things? I get the bug to write and by the time I get the time, I have forgotten what I wanted to write and so I don't.
Let me say this, depression sucks, I haven't felt like that since I was in highschool. Perhaps it's an early midlife crisis or something, I just could not deal with anything so I shut down and disengaged completely.
And there are things you know, things about God and His sovereignty, yet, the man buried in a landslide knows the sun is shining outside, but that still does not help him see, and that is exactly how I felt, buried in a landslide of doubt and despair and nothing seemed to help or so it seemed.
Yet, in all things, God has been and still is faithful to me and my family.
I still have some sin issues that I just can not seem to overcome and those still get me down.
John MacArthur back a couple of months ago was talking of satan and his main weapon against those of the faith, a double edged sword of doubt and despair and I seem prone to those attacks for whatever reasons. I hate it.
I often catch myself trying to "pull myself up by the bootstraps" and that don't work either.
So God makes me have to trust in Him for everything.
With that said, let me share a dream that I had back a couple of months ago that I believe had immediate implications as well as near future implications for me.
I had this dream that I was at my grandma's house and we (me and some others) were outside in the front of her house, she has a real large yard with few trees and the sky is very visible. The weather was clear and the sky was blue and out of nowhere this terrible storm blew in. There was lightening and heavy winds/rain and it was very severe weather and darn near as soon as it started it cleared out. Then the sky grew dark as if night was falling and you could see the stars in the sky and the stars started to streak across the sky as if the earth was spinning very fast and when this happened the stars started to "fall" from the sky directly onto me and I took off running towards the garage.
As I entered the garage the "stars" followed me in and I was engulfed in an explosion of swirling light and there was a terrible roaring noise that overwhelmed me and I was terrified. And all in a split second as the light was swirling and the noise was roaring, it all came rushing and compressing down into my hand, (my left one to be exact) and everything was quiet and it was now nighttime outside and I was alone in my grandma's garage and in my hand there was something. I opened my hand and there was a pair of those googley eyes, the ones that follow you everywhere you go and then I woke up, I believe I was crying.
I knew exactly and immediately what it meant. When the storms rage from out of nowhere and even if the sky and stars fall from the heavens (and I think that they may very soon) God is still watching over me. I need to take solace in that more now than ever, cause I think that hell is just about break loose here on earth (literally), I can feel it in my gut and it weighs heavy on my mind.
Curious to know your thoughts about all this.
Btw... the sounds on here were made by me. It's called Darkness (Vast Consuming). No one else has heard it before.
~ eric | | |
| Well now, it's been a while hasn't it?
I guess I don't write much at all anymore.
I ceased writing poetry along with my blog here.
And for the longest time, all I wanted to do was write, write and write.
So what to say? I've been under some deep depression since last december and it's really affected me to a great degree. I've been on the upswing a bit lately, but all it takes is some crummy weather and/or some sort of trial, great or small, that I don't seem to be able to deal with at all, and wham, I'm down.
On the spiritual side, I've described myself as the church of Ephesus... but I think there is more to it than that. I don't seem to be able to keep from my "pet" sins which just keep me in this constant state of down... spiritually that is.
Apathy seems to rule the day in my life and I seem to be in a constant state of defeat.
I know part of the problem, but it goes back to the apathy thing, being completely disengaged from everything going on around me. I know it's affecting my wife and kids and me and everything in and around me... and I'm overcome by it all, and the only way I deal with it is to disengage more.
It seems a vicious cycle that I can't get out of and I hate it all.
I would appreciate your prayers for my family, specifically my wife, for they are the ones that are suffering the most. | | |
| Well now, unbeknownst to you all. I've been offline for a month and a half due to some technical difficulties.
Thanks for hanging around. I'll try and fill you all in on what has been going on.
~ eric | | |
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