| | I just noticed that my last 3 posts over the few months have started with "Well now".
Shows how much attention I have been payin. Duuhhh.
So how are things? I get the bug to write and by the time I get the time, I have forgotten what I wanted to write and so I don't.
Let me say this, depression sucks, I haven't felt like that since I was in highschool. Perhaps it's an early midlife crisis or something, I just could not deal with anything so I shut down and disengaged completely.
And there are things you know, things about God and His sovereignty, yet, the man buried in a landslide knows the sun is shining outside, but that still does not help him see, and that is exactly how I felt, buried in a landslide of doubt and despair and nothing seemed to help or so it seemed.
Yet, in all things, God has been and still is faithful to me and my family.
I still have some sin issues that I just can not seem to overcome and those still get me down.
John MacArthur back a couple of months ago was talking of satan and his main weapon against those of the faith, a double edged sword of doubt and despair and I seem prone to those attacks for whatever reasons. I hate it.
I often catch myself trying to "pull myself up by the bootstraps" and that don't work either.
So God makes me have to trust in Him for everything.
With that said, let me share a dream that I had back a couple of months ago that I believe had immediate implications as well as near future implications for me.
I had this dream that I was at my grandma's house and we (me and some others) were outside in the front of her house, she has a real large yard with few trees and the sky is very visible. The weather was clear and the sky was blue and out of nowhere this terrible storm blew in. There was lightening and heavy winds/rain and it was very severe weather and darn near as soon as it started it cleared out. Then the sky grew dark as if night was falling and you could see the stars in the sky and the stars started to streak across the sky as if the earth was spinning very fast and when this happened the stars started to "fall" from the sky directly onto me and I took off running towards the garage.
As I entered the garage the "stars" followed me in and I was engulfed in an explosion of swirling light and there was a terrible roaring noise that overwhelmed me and I was terrified. And all in a split second as the light was swirling and the noise was roaring, it all came rushing and compressing down into my hand, (my left one to be exact) and everything was quiet and it was now nighttime outside and I was alone in my grandma's garage and in my hand there was something. I opened my hand and there was a pair of those googley eyes, the ones that follow you everywhere you go and then I woke up, I believe I was crying.
I knew exactly and immediately what it meant. When the storms rage from out of nowhere and even if the sky and stars fall from the heavens (and I think that they may very soon) God is still watching over me. I need to take solace in that more now than ever, cause I think that hell is just about break loose here on earth (literally), I can feel it in my gut and it weighs heavy on my mind.
Curious to know your thoughts about all this.
Btw... the sounds on here were made by me. It's called Darkness (Vast Consuming). No one else has heard it before.
~ eric |
| | Posted 5/11/2008 10:06 PM - 143 Views - 6 eProps - 5 comments
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